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Sunday, July 28, 2013

Hidden Treasures

"So, God...why Illinois?  Why are you sending us to Freeport, Illinois?"  

 I remember asking this as Daniel and I drove our big moving van and cars across the Nebraska and Iowa borders, entering the Midwest for what we believed was a calling to serve the church we had been happily serving for over a year and a half. 

I felt that God's answer was:  "I have hidden treasures there."
"Hidden Treasure" by Mint Lights:  http://mintlights.deviantart.com/


A mere six months later, after being fired unjustly, and selling most of our furniture and leaving the home we bought empty in the hopes that it will sell before we lose it, I admit, I've been asking the question again. 

"Um, what was all that about, Lord?  That was one rough journey you just took us through."

I feel that it is time to write about it.  It is partly for myself, in order to process the pain of what has happened.  And partly for others.  There are others, I know, who have gone through pain caused directly by the church.  By those very people who are generally set up as the ones we are to emulate.   But mostly, it is to search and expose those hidden treasures that He gave us while we were there. 

Because there were some hidden gems.  Even in the midst of the crap-hole that we found ourselves in.  I haven't quite decided how detailed I am going to get.  I am not writing with a desire for revenge.  So, likely I will change the names of the actual pastors and people involved with some of the more horrifying events.  Not because I am trying to cover them in any way, though. 

Unlike the leaders who booted us out, my husband and I believe strongly that truth is never something to shy away from.  We are not afraid of appearances.  The truth will set you free.  That's what Jesus said.  And it is always true.  I think He knew when He said it that truth isn't always pretty or nice or even something that people want to look at.  There's been a lot of attempts throughout history to hide truth, to cover it up.  God's the One, who at the end of the day, brings truth to light.  Not always on earth, I imagine, but that's okay.  These men and women who damaged me and mine are not my responsibility. 
Roots by Heather Offord: http://heather-offord.deviantart.com/
For my own sake, I've forgiven consistently throughout this experience.  And sometimes, had to forgive the same ones over and over.  This is, in all honesty, for my sake.  I know that if I don't forgive, a root of bitterness will grow and that is something I seriously do NOT want. 

But I'm not trying to say I'm a saint.  I'm doing my best but in matters like this, I may accidentally bleed over on things.  I'm not trying to.  It's what happens, when your heart has been ripped out of your chest.  Yeah, yeah, I'm being dramatic.  Well, welcome to the drama that has been my life for 6 months. 

No, really.  I'm going to lay it out chronologically.  If you're following along, this is the first post of many as I process what's been happening.  Welcome aboard.

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